Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Let Me Off At The Top! by Ron Burgundy

Oh man, is this book ever a hoot. *Shhh* don't tell anyone but Will Farrell movies are one of my guilty diversions. I know. I KNOW! As Ron Burgundy in Anchorman and the soon-to-be-released Anchorman 2, he's one of the most boorish, misogynistic, xenophobic, cringe-worthy characters ever. He's just so unabashedly cheesy it's impossible to look away. And now he has written us a book, Let Me Off at the Top!, with everything we ever wanted to know about who Ron is, where he came from and what makes him so classy. For the first time ever, we get a look inside his brilliant mind as he shares some historical facts and dispels some myths about his hair all in one sentence. "My hair was the principal cause of the overthrow of the Chilean government in '73. This one is true. Look it up." Speaking of truth, all the words in this book are true,* as he tells us in the disclaimer, saving editors and readers the tiresome task of fact-checking. What a relief it is to not have to question anything he says! Included herein are chapters on My Hair; The History of Mexico; What's Wrong With America; My Love For This Country; and Twelve Rules for Living Through a Prison Riot, to name a few.

Being a women, though, I was especially interested in what he had to say in the chapter titled, What Kind of Breath Turns a Woman On? I thought we women still had some secrets but apparently not anymore. Ron Burgundy has now discovered how much we adore the "hot, humid whisper delivered inches from a woman you've just met in an elevator or on a buffet line. . . " His insight is astonishing as he has also determined that there is a variety of elements that go into creating the most effective hot breath aphrodisiac. It's not in the force of the exhale, or the distance, as he had originally thought, but in food combinations. And now after years of study, he has narrowed it down to nine detailed how-to recipes creating breath that is a guaranteed turn-on, including my long-time favorite (how did he know?!) shrimp, beer and hot mayonnaise. I guess I must be a pretty classy woman.

America's most trusted and beloved television News Anchor, Ron Burgundy, pulls no punches in Let Me Off at the Top! Burgundy tells the tale of his humble beginnings in a desolate Iowa coal-mining town to his years at Our Lady Queen of Chewbacca High School to his odds-defying climb to the dizzying heights of Anchordom. 
In his very own words Burgundy reveals his most private thoughts, his triumphs - and his disappointments. His life reads like an adventure story complete with knockdown fights, beautiful women and double-fisted excitement on every page. He has hunted jackalopes with Bobby Kennedy and Peter Lawford, had more than his share of amorous exploits and formed the greatest on-air team in the history of televised news. Along the way, he's hobnobbed with people you wish you knew and some you honestly wish you didn't - celebrities, presidents, presidents' wives, celebrities' wives, dogs and, of course, Veronica Corningstone, the love of his life. Walter Cronkite, Barbara Streisand, Katie Couric, the list goes on. Who didn't Mr. Burgundy, or "Ron," as he is known to his friends, rub elbows with in the course of his colorful and often criminal life?
This may well be the most thrilling book ever written, by a man of great physical, moral and spiritual strength and, not surprisingly, a great literary talent as well. This book deserves a real shot at a Pulitzer Prize. In fact, if it doesn't win one, then we will finally have proof that the Pulitzer is rigged. 
Ron Burgundy has taken the time to write a book. We owe it to him, as good citizens, to read it. (inside flap)

 (*with the exception of people, places, situations, and dialogue)

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